Maximise your Emotional Intelligence with these five practices
Readtime: 3 minutes
If you don’t master Emotional Intelligence, you won’t progress as far than if you do (personally or professionally).
So, how can you maximise your Emotional Intelligence?
In today’s newsletter, I’ll guide you through practical steps to do just that.
We’ll look at what you can do in preparation, and in the heat of the moment.
But first an underlying principle:
The Gap Between Stimulus and Response
There’s a space between what happens to us (the stimulus) and how we react (the response).
This gap is at the core of Emotional Intelligence.
It helps us to better understand our own thinking and emotions, and choose our responses.
And that helps us to better predict what others are thinking and feeling, and why they might respond in a particular way.
Preparation: Setting the Stage for Emotional Intelligence
To improve our Emotional Intelligence we need to put some work in when we’re not under pressure.
The goal is to understand more about our own thinking and emotions, so that we can react better to them.
And so that we can anticipate what others might be thinking and feeling.
Two key practices can help:
1. Meditation
When you meditate, you will get distracted by your thoughts and feelings.
And when you do, bringing yourself back to the area of focus is kind of the whole point of meditation.
However, there is a little talked about (but big) secondary benefit:
By staying with those thoughts and emotions for just a little bit, we can think about why they are arising for us.
We can observe them without immediately reacting to them.
This helps us to understand ourselves better.
And when we do, that means we’re more likely to understand other people too.
It also gives us greater control over our reactions – because we’ve stepped into that gap between stimulus and response.
2. Journalling
Journalling is another way in which we can identify our thinking and emotions.
We get clarity on them by writing them down.
It also helps us to understand more about how our thinking and emotions impacts our responses to them.
Over time, this also helps us to identify patterns in our behaviour, some of which we may decide to change.
So, meditation and journalling can help us understand more about our own thinking, emotions, and responses. And that can help us understand more about other people’s.
In the Moment: Applying Emotional Intelligence
Even with preparation, there are moments when we need to tap into our Emotional Intelligence quickly. Here’s how to do it:
1. Tap Into Your Self-Awareness in Two Minutes
Sometimes, we need a quick way to center ourselves. According to research in the Harvard Business Review, you can boost your self-awareness in just two minutes.
Here’s how:
Pause and take a deep breath.
Identify and label the emotion you’re feeling.
Reflect on what triggered the emotion.
This simple exercise helps you stay grounded and in control, even in challenging situations.
2. Active Listening
Remember, the point of increasing our Emotional Intelligence is so that we can understand (and predict) what someone is thinking and feeling, and their reactions.
One of the most powerful ways that you can do that in the moment is to listen actively.
This means fully concentrating on what the other person is saying.
The best way I’ve found to do that is to repeat to yourself (in your head) what the other person is saying.
It’s impossible to think about anything else when you do this.
And you’ll instantly start to notice more about what they are thinking and feeling.
3. Active Mirroring
This is about mirroring someone’s body language when we’re talking to them.
This helps us understand what they’re feeling because our emotions and physical states are closely connected.
For example, if they subtly tilt their head and soften their gaze while speaking, mirroring these small cues can help you tune into their thoughtfulness.
Or, if they gently tap their fingers on the table or shift their weight slightly, mimicking these small movements can help you sense their underlying restlessness or anticipation.
If direct mirroring feels too obvious, you can imagine yourself in their posture, which still helps you connect with their emotions, though less intensely.
As a bonus, when people see their body language mirrored, they often feel a stronger connection and trust.
That’s it!
In summary
Congratulations, you now know how to increase your Emotional Intelligence.
Remember, a big part of this is about understanding yourself more, so that you can understand others better.
Preparation: Use meditation and journalling to understand more about your own thinking, emotions, and reactions, so that you are better able to understand others.
In the Moment: Tap into your self-awareness quickly, use the ‘repeat after me’ active listening method, and use active mirroring to really understand what someone is feeling.
On a personal note
I found that good levels of Emotional Intelligence helped me progress further and faster in my career when I was at KPMG.
I think it’s important in any role, and gets more important as you get more senior.
And if you’re in a role with lots of stakeholders, working with different teams, and with different personalities, getting a grip on Emotional Intelligence can be a real differentiator for you.
I strongly encourage you to give these things a go, even if you’re not normally one to meditate or journal. One of the reasons people talk about them so much, is because they actually work.
One quote to get you going
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
What’s your take on this? Let us know on LinkedIn here.
P.S. Curious about how I can support you, your team, or your company?
Reserve a free 20-minute call here to explore the possibilities together.