5 Ways to Enjoy Who You Are Becoming
Readtime: 4 minutes
We’re already performing at a high level and we know that an important part of fulfilment and happiness, is knowing where we’re going.
But, even more important is knowing who we are becoming.
We don’t want to be like most people, thinking that when some faraway shore is reached, or our goals are met, that all our problems will be solved.
They won’t be. And we’ll have new problems.
However, if you can master the journey, knowing who you are becoming on that journey, you will be much happier now instead of postponing your happiness.
And we need to recognise that where we’re going, that destination, isn’t actually fixed. It is more like a guiding star, rather than a faraway shore.
In this article, I’ll share five key concepts so you can really enjoy the journey of who you are becoming.
Let’s dive in.
1. Intentional life design
Knowing the sort of person we want to be, the character traits we demonstrate and the values that are important to us is the first step.
We want to think about this holistically, for all aspects of our life that are important to us, e.g. our health, our work, and our relationships.
Defining the sort of person we are becoming in each of these areas is key.
For example, I am the sort of person who:
Continually increases my ability and capacity for exercise
Identifies areas of joy and fulfilment from my work every day
Proactively improves my relationships with the key people in my life
Setting these for yourself is actually quite easy. Just write down a few sentences about the sort of person you would like to be.
Once you’re clear on who you are becoming in these key areas, you can focus on the necessary incremental changes.
2. Incremental progress – daily microwins
Who we are becoming is a process of continual improvement, as opposed to hitting a fixed target.
You will feel at your best and perform at your best when you’re making progress on a part of your life that matters to you.
Science tells us that it is the daily microwins that give us satisfaction, happiness and motivation, rather than the achievement of a big goal. Teresa Amabile, a professor at Harvard Business School, says the following in The Power of Small Wins, which was based on studies of 238 people across seven companies:
“If a person is motivated and happy at the end of the workday, it’s a good bet that he or she made some progress… On days when they made progress, our participants reported more positive emotions. They not only were in a more upbeat mood in general but also expressed more joy, warmth, and pride… For the progress principle to operate, the work must be meaningful to the person doing it.”
Happiness actually precedes and predicts success.
As Tal Ben-Shahar says in his book, Happier:
“Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak.”
So, if we make incremental progress, frequently, on who we are becoming, we will have more joy, pride and happiness whilst we are on the journey.
3. It’s not about what you’re giving up, it’s about what you’re building
Part of the difficulty of sticking to our incremental improvements is that there is often an opportunity cost involved:
Going to the gym in the morning vs. some extra time in bed
Finishing off a great piece of work you can be proud of vs. leaving work on time
Really listening to your partner vs. checking your message notifications
It can be helpful for us to remind ourselves that these little sacrifices are part of the price we choose to pay to build the better version of ourselves.
When we notice these alternatives, instead of thinking we need to decide what to do, we can use them as reminders of the decision we have already made to make these incremental changes to live a more intentional life.
Removing the decision in those moments creates more microwins, more pride and reinforces the positive decisions we have already made.
We like who we are becoming and the way it makes us feel, so we don’t want to sabotage it.
4. Express yourself, don’t prove yourself
As you implement your incremental changes and daily microwins, people may react to and challenge you on your new behaviours.
In the book ‘On Becoming a Leader’, Warren Bennis has a concept of expressing yourself, rather than proving yourself. When we express ourselves, we are demonstrating behaviours true to who we are becoming. This is distinct from trying to prove that we can conform to the expectations of others.
Warren says: “Knowing yourself, then, means separating who you are and who you want to be, from what the world thinks you are and wants you to be.”
This non-conformity might lead to backlash. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said in ‘Self-reliance’: "For nonconformity the world whips you with its displeasure.”
However, you need to best express you, not somebody else’s idea of you.
5. Don’t judge yourself too soon
The final thing to remember is don’t judge yourself too soon.
This is particularly relevant when you are tempted to compare yourself against others who have already become who you are becoming.
You are at a different place on your journey, which is probably the same place they were at at some point in their past.
Know that your plan is working, you are smashing your microwins, expressing your true self and becoming who you want to be.
In Summary
Congratulations, you now know how to really enjoy and stick to the journey of who you are becoming:
Set intentions for the key parts of your life
Make incremental changes and celebrate your microwins
View the little sacrifices as the price you’ve already chosen to pay
Be who you want to become, not what anybody else expects you to be
Give yourself a bit of time
I would love to hear your thoughts. Please email me at coaching@mostynwilson.com.
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