How to stand up for yourself at work
Readtime: 4 minutes
We are often faced with situations at work where we need to stand up for ourselves.
And we want to do this without being confrontational.
In today’s newsletter, I set out how to gracefully navigate these situations.
1. Act immediately
The golden rule is to address issues as soon as they arise. Don’t wait, you’ll regret it.
Often, just mentioning it resolves the issue.
What you’d like to say: “I can’t believe you ignored what I said!”
What to say: “We missed my earlier comment. Please can we go back to it? I think it’s important”
If just pointing it out doesn’t work, share why it matters to you.
2. Share why it matters to you.
Explain to the other person why you care about the situation.
Swap out your frustration for open communication:
What you’d like to say: "It makes me so angry when you ignore me!"
What to say: "Please can you help me understand why my point was overlooked, so that I can learn from this situation?"
This shifts the dialogue from blame to understanding.
3. Focus on the behaviour, not the person
Avoid attacking the other person. We don’t want to make things personal.
Instead, stay focused on actions, not character.
What you’d like to say: “Your attitude is terrible!”
What to say: “I know you didn’t mean to ignore me, but that is what happened.”
You could add in a bit of humour in this example, by saying it with a bit of a smile.
This approach fosters a culture of respect and personal growth.
4. Find common ground
Reminding others that we’re trying to achieve the same objective can help.
What you’d like to say: "It feels like my ideas are always dismissed without consideration."
What to say: "Maybe we can adjust my idea to better fit what we’re collectively trying to achieve here. Are there elements of it that might work?"
This can diffuse any “us vs. them” feelings, and get people back to the shared goal.
5. Conclude with thanks
Recognise the action taken by the other person.
What you’d like to say: “This should have been obvious to you!”
What to say: “Thank you for considering my point.”
This way you also signal that the matter is closed.
The key point with the structure above is to not be angry after the event. Deal with the issue immediately and professionally when it arises.
And remember, you’re not being confrontational, you’re being assertive and respectful.
That’s it!
In summary
Congratulations, you now know my five-step process for standing up for yourself at work:
Act immediately
Share why it matters to you
Focus on the behaviour, not the person
Find common ground
Conclude with thanks
On a personal note
I used to be terrible at this.
My instinct was to avoid confrontation and please people.
But I had a significant shift in my thinking when I was coaching someone as part of my first coaching qualification in 2019.
The significant realisation that my client had was equally as important for me. Which was that by not speaking my mind, I was not being true to my core value of honesty.
I think that’s why I used to feel so uncomfortable in situations where I felt I needed to stand up for myself but didn’t. It was not only the difficulty of the situation itself, but the inner conflict I felt because I wasn’t being honest.
As my coaching client said at the time “a monumental shift occurred”. It was literally life changing, for him and for me.
One quote to get you going
“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”
What’s your take on this? Let us know here.
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