How To Say No
Readtime: 4 minutes
In my last newsletter, I said that knowing what we want to say “Yes” to makes it easier for us to say “No”.
But saying “No” when we’re asked to do something, or invited to something we don’t really want to go to, can still be hard.
We often think that we can’t say “No”, particularly when it’s from someone more senior at work, or someone else we don’t want to let down.
We care about the impact on our career and relationships.
I’ve picked up a few template scripts from Tim Ferriss and Justin Welsh, and a great bit of advice from Danny Meyer, over the last year that you can use to help you say “No”.
Here they are:
1. Tim Ferriss
Tim Ferriss is a best-selling author and podcaster, known for his books "The 4-Hour Work Week" and "Tools of Titans," which focus on lifestyle design, productivity, and personal development.
He did a podcast episode where he read through the rejection letters he received when asking whether people wanted to be involved in Tools of Titans.
Here is a link to the original podcast transcript, with the specific examples of rejection letters he received:
And here are some ChatGPT derived templates based on those examples:
Professional Opportunity Decline:
"Dear [Name], Thank you for considering me for [Opportunity]. After careful consideration, I've realised that I must prioritise [current commitments/projects] at this time. I truly appreciate the offer and hope we can collaborate in the future. Best, [Your Name]"
Meeting/Event Request Decline:
"Hello [Name], I appreciate your invitation to [meeting/event], but I am unable to attend due to [prior commitment/personal reasons]. Let's stay in touch for future possibilities. Warm regards, [Your Name]"
Request for Assistance Decline:
"Hi [Name], I'm honoured you reached out for help with [request]. Currently, my schedule is fully committed, particularly with [specific projects/commitments]. I can recommend [alternative resource/person] who might be able to assist you. Best wishes, [Your Name]"
Social Invitation Decline:
"Dear [Name], Thank you for inviting me to [event/social gathering]. Unfortunately, I need to decline due to [other obligations/personal reasons]. I hope it's a great success and look forward to catching up soon. Sincerely, [Your Name]"
General Polite Decline:
"Hi [Name], Thanks for thinking of me for [request/offer]. I'm focusing on a few select priorities now and can't give this the attention it deserves. Wishing you the best with it. Regards, [Your Name]"
2. Justin Welsh
Justin Welsh is an entrepreneur and LinkedIn influencer known for his expertise in building online businesses and personal branding, especially on LinkedIn.
He provided a template for saying “No” – applicable to many situations – in a recent LinkedIn post.
The original LinkedIn post is here:
Here’s the relevant template extract from that post:
Start with a thank you:
"Thanks for thinking of me for your [Ask]. I really appreciate it and I normally love doing stuff like this."
Share why you're saying no:
"Unfortunately, with my [Project1], [Project2] and [Project3], I'm at capacity and can't book anything else at the moment."
Use a cushioned transition:
"I hope you won’t take this personally."
Let them know they aren't alone in getting a no:
"I field a lot of requests and realise that I need to say no if I hope to make meaningful progress on these projects."
Suggest a future date (optional):
"Please feel free to reach out to me again in 90 days or so, and I might be in a better position to accept."
Thank them again and wish them luck:
"Again, thanks for thinking of me. Best of luck with the [Ask], [FirstName]."
3. Danny Meyer
This is actually about how to decide whether you want to attend a future event, as opposed to how to say “No”. But I think it’s so effective it’s worth including here.
Danny Meyer is the founder of Shake Shack.
He appeared on the Tim Ferriss show and gave a great piece of advice when considering whether to respond “Yes” to an event invitation - if the thing you are being invited to was tonight, would you be excited about going?
Here’s the relevant transcript extract: And I ask myself a simple question. If this thing were tonight, because it’s generally something four, five, six months from now, but if this thing were tonight, is this something I would be excited to do or would I roll my eyes and go, “Oh, man, look what I have to do tonight.”
The full show transcript is here:
4. Scripts to help you say “No” to your boss
I put the examples above into ChatGPT and asked it to come up with some scripts to use with your boss, which I think are pretty good.
Here they are:
"I value the opportunity to contribute to [Task/Project Name]. However, with my current commitments to [mention your current projects or tasks], I'm near capacity. I am more than willing to discuss the priorities and see how we can manage the workload or find alternative solutions to ensure the success of [Task/Project Name]. Could we perhaps schedule a time to discuss this further?"
"I understand the importance of [Task/Project Name] and would like to contribute. However, I am currently focused on [mention your current projects or tasks] which are also high priority. I want to ensure that I deliver high-quality work and meet the deadlines for these projects. Could we discuss how to prioritise the tasks or find a way to delegate [Task/Project Name] to ensure all projects are completed successfully?"
And a few informal versions:
"Thanks for thinking of me for [Task/Project Name]. I’d usually jump at the chance, but I’m swamped with [mention your current projects or tasks] at the moment. I’m worried I won’t be able to give it the attention it deserves. Maybe we could shuffle things around or find someone else to tackle it? I’m open to suggestions!"
"Thanks for reaching out. [Task/Project Name] sounds important. But with the load I’ve got from [mention your current projects or tasks], I’m not sure I can squeeze it in without something else slipping. How about [provide alternative solution or recommend a colleague who might have the capacity]? Or maybe we can chat about how to redistribute the workload a bit?"
"I totally get the importance of [Task/Project Name], and under normal circumstances, I’d be all over it. Right now, I’ve got my hands full with [mention your current projects or tasks]. I want to make sure I do justice to the work I’ve already got on my plate. Can we talk about how to sort this out, maybe shuffle priorities or delegate some tasks?"
That’s it!
In Summary
Congratulations, you now have a few templates that you can refer to next time you need to say “No” to something.
On a personal note
I used to be bad at saying “No”, for work and personal things. And if I did say “No” I normally felt pretty bad about letting the other person down.
However, I’ve realised a few things:
Being much clearer on what my work and personal priorities are really helps. Saying “Yes” to things that don’t help with those priorities doesn’t normally make me feel great.
When you’re asked to do something or attend something, you’re not normally the only option, and/or are one of many people asked.
Often, the person making the request is just saying they are interested in you doing it, as opposed to them being convinced that you are the perfect person for it.
Just because you’re asked, you don’t have an obligation. We often think that we have an obligation not to let the person down, but we didn’t create that situation.
There is normally a perfectly fine alternative version of how something happens without you.
It’s still nice to be asked! 😀
One quote to get you going
"The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
- Tony Robbins
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